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Disclaimer: Don't own Kung Fu Panda and it awesomeness

I Now Pronounce You Viper and Crane

It was a quiet morning in the Jade Palace. Po, Tigress, Monkey, and Mantis were in the kitchen deciding what to eat.

"I could make dumplings," Po suggested.

"For breakfast?" Tigress asked.

Po shrugged. "How about rice cakes?"

"You made that yesterday!" Said Monkey.

"We have to decide on something," Tigress said. "Training starts in thirty minutes."

"Soup?" Mantis suggested after a few minutes of staring at the cabinet.

"Soup is good," Tigress said.

"I like soup," Monkey agreed.

"I'll start the stove," Po said turning on the stove, as his friends walked to the table. "So, what do you guys want..."

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

"What was that?" Po asked.

"I don't know," Mantis said, "But it came from Viper's room. Let's go! She might be hurt!"

The group rushed to Viper's room. They stood outside the door, waiting as though something was about to jump out at them.

"What do you think happened to Viper?" Monkey asked quietly.

"She probably broke a nail," Po said making Monkey and Mantis start laughing.

Tigress rolled her eyes. "She's a snake, Po. She doesn't have nails." Tigress carefully opened the door and stepped inside, followed by Po, Mantis, and Monkey. Her eyes widen when she saw the little snake crying on her bed.

"Hey, Viper, whats wrong?" Po asked gently.

Viper looked up when she saw her friends. She wiped away her tears with her tail. "Ohhh, it's horrible..."

"What's horrible?" Monkey asked.

"Daddy," Viper said shakily. "He sent me a letter." She pointed to the letter with her tail. "He wants me to come home." She started crying.

"It's okay, Viper," Po said reassuringly, petting her head. "Not everyone gets a long with their parents."

Viper shook her head. "No, it's not that. It's just... Daddy wants me to get married. He said, if I'm not married, I have to marry this snake from my village, who I don't even know!"

"Then... Get married," Monkey said. Tigress and Mantis gave him a weird look. "To someone else rather than that snake guy... Guy snake..." He smiled.

"Wait! I have an idea!" Po said excitedly. "Why don't one of us, except Tigress, go with you to your village and pretend to be your husband. Your dad will be happy and you won't have to marry the other guy!"

Tigress groaned. Another brilliant plan, she thought sarcastically. "Po, that has to be one of the..."

"Po, that's a great idea!" Viper said happily, her tears going away. She looked at Po, Mantis, and Monkey. "Which one of you would make a good fake husband?"

"Viper, do you really think, you can fool your family into believing one them is your husband?" Tigress asked. "Your father is a great master, after all."

Viper looked sadly at the tiger. "What choice do I have, Tigress? This is a better option than getting married to someone I don't know. And daddy won't find out."

Tigress sighed. Viper was right. Pretend marriage did seem like a good idea, and fooling a great master isn't easy, but is possible. Like always, she gave in. "Okay... Then who will it be, Viper?"

"I'll do it!" Po offered. "I always wanted to meet Great Master Viper."

"I thought you were helping your dad at the noodle shop tomorrow?" Tigress said questioningly.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, Viper."

"It's okay, Po." Viper smiled. Daddy would attack him, Dragon Warrior or not.

"Why not Mantis?" Po suggested.

"Too small." Sisters would eat him... Or play with him.

"Who are you calling small?" Mantis growled.

"That just leaves Monkey," Tigress said.

"Uhhh... I can't do it... Exactly..." Monkey said nervously.

"Why not?" Po asked.

"I don't really like snakes..."

"You trained with Viper for years," Tigress said incredulously. "How can you not like snakes?"

"I love Viper!" Monkey said quickly. "She's awesome and a great friend! And... She's... Fangless..."

Viper frowned. "Now who's going to be my fake husband?"

The door opened and Crane walked in giving them all confused looks. "Hey! What are all of you doing Viper's room? I thought you guys would be in..." He stopped, noticing the intent looks on their faces. "Why are all of you looking at me like that?"

"Crane, will do it," they all said together.

"What?" Crane asked.

Viper smiled and slithered over to him. "Crane, you will be my pretend husband when we go see daddy!" She sighed happily and wrapped herself around his legs, making him fall.

"And why do I have to be your pretend husband?"

Tigress sighed. "If you don't pretend to be Viper's husband, her father is going to marry someone else. We decided that you're the best choice for this."

"Why can't any of you guys do it?" Crane looked at Po, Monkey, and Mantis.

"Because," Viper said, "Mantis is too small..."

"I'm not small!" Mantis yelled.

Po grinned. "Tigress, Monkey, did you hear something?"

"Oh, that's it!" Mantis instantly lunged at Po face.

"AHHH! Get him off! Get him off!" Po flailed his arms trying to get a hold of Mantis. Monkey started laughing and Tigress tried to hide a smile.

"And why can't Po or Monkey do it?" Crane asked loudly over Po's screams.

"Po is helping his dad tomorrow at the noodle shop," Tigress replied a little louder.

"And will probably be receiving medical attention later today," Monkey added, watching Mantis pick up Po and slamming him from side to side.

"And Monkey can't do it because he's scared of snakes." Tigress hid a grin.

Crane gave Monkey an incredulous look. "You're... Scared of snakes? And you been training with Viper for how long?"

"Viper is different!" Monkey said trying to defend himself. "She doesn't have fangs!"

Viper rolled her eyes and slithered up to Crane's chest. She tried to hide a blush when she felt his heart speed up. "So, will you be my fake husband?"

"Do I have a choice at this point?"

"No." She tickled him lightly with her tail.

"Okay, I'll do it."

"Po, Mantis, he said, yes!" Monkey said as his friends continued fighting.

"Great!" Said Po and Mantis, stopping their fight to take a break

"Yes, and if Viper gets off me, we can go."

"Sorry," Viper said blushing. She moved off Crane's chest and onto the floor. Crane stood up and fixed his hat.

"Ready to go, Viper?"

Viper smiled. "Yes... Tigress, tell Master Shifu where we're going, but don't tell him the plan."

"We'll try to keep it silent," Tigress said frowning at Po and Mantis, who went back fighting, and Monkey, who was cheering them on. Tigress picked up a glass of water on Viper's desk, and poured the water on Po and Mantis.

"What was that for?" Po asked throwing Mantis off of him.

"Crane and Viper are leaving," Tigress said calmly.

"Good luck," said Monkey.

"We promise to write," Viper said happily.

"We'll let you know if anything goes wrong," Crane added seriously.

What could go wrong? Viper wondered. She pushed the thought aside, convinced, Crane worries too much.

"Just promise, nothing will go wrong," Tigress said.

"Like Viper said, we'll write you and let you know what's going on. We'll probably be there awhile."

"It depends on daddy, and how well you get a long with him," Viper said.

"Goodbye," Crane said to the rest of the five and Po. "Remember Shifu. He'll disapprove if he finds out the plan, then both of us will be in trouble."

"We know," said Tigress. "We'll try to think of something to cover up the plan. But, goodbye for now."

"Bye! We'll miss you!" Viper said cheerfully, as her and Crane walked out the door.

Viper was happy, Crane noticed as they walked out the doors of the Jade palace. Relieved is also a good way to put it. On the other hand, he was more anxious. A part of him felt as though something would go wrong. He looked at Viper before walking down the steps that lead away from the safety of their friends.

What have I gotten myself into?
Viper/Crane fic. Crane has to pretend to be Viper's husband so she won't be forced to marry a guy she doesn't know, but things don't always go as planned, as Crane and Viper realize.

This is the first chapter more to come :)

Thanks for reading :)
:iconlithiumthewolf989:
LithiumTheWolf989 Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I've already finished this...so far. But I just keep coming back xD it's so good!
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:icongargoylelover:
gargoylelover Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012  Student Writer
I agree
Reply
:iconjasminealexandra:
JasmineAlexandra Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2011  Student General Artist
this is awesome! Now this needs to be on TV!
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December 21, 2011
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